It was kind of weird coming home and not hearing the sound of tiny claws scratching away fiercely at glass.
Unrelated, but this side note is for Eunice. This entry may end up being vague. And please stop lurking and comment.
So today is the day. What day? It really only mattered to two people in the past. But now maybe no one. I actually didn't realize what the date was until I was writing a check earlier today. It's funny how time just creeps up on you. Time passes whether you want it to or not.
Maybe subconsciously it has played its part. The last few weeks have seen a weird awareness of it all, all over again. Vague indeed.
On a not so vague point, I think I feel somewhat disappointed. My leavings in the past always appear to be so anti climatic. I've wrote about these things before. But for some reason, this time around I feel disappointed.
In the past, I've always avoided reaching out to people. The Jesus complex in me feels like they should be the ones coming to me. I'm not talking about normal day interactions with people. But more about turning points in your life. For instance, my graduation. I invited no one. In my head, I felt that if people cared enough then they would find out when it is and come on their own. There is no need for me to ask them. And if I have to, then they don't really care that much to begin with.
Birthdays fall into this category as well. But no, it was not my birthday.
I think really I feel a sense of disappointed in people's lack of caring that I'm leaving. I was talking to Eunice, and she said she could see why I would think that. If someone else can see why, it means I'm not crazy. Unless she's crazy too.
It goes back to what I said about Pastor Joe leaving. Right, so I have been missing the last many months. But this was the first ministry that I ever really cared about. I'm not looking for thanks, I just thought people would care enough to show they care.
It's pretty clear cut what I'm trying to say, so let me take a minute to clear up something. This is not to say I'm mad at anyone. I'm not. If anything, I hope the handful of people reading this take it as some friendly advice. My situation is obviously different, but at one point I was someone very actively involved. Yet I was able to slip through the cracks, mostly on my own accord.
But most discouraging, hardly anyone cared. Calling me and telling me I should drive one hour next week isn't encouraging. And yes, my situation is different. Who drives one hour just to go to church?
To be honest though, I think it is a common occurrence. When people leave, no one follows up. Well, rarely. It's kind of sad.
I don't want to repeat the mistakes of my past.
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8 comments:
Hmmm, I can defintely see why you feel that way. I guess it was bad timing that Pastor Joe was leaving at the same time, as he got more attention. I did try to get something together for you but it was crappy and I was toatlly distracted that weekend. Also the farewell party we had at DJ's was also for you too.
Still you kind of disappeared, and as the old saying goes out of sight out of mind. Sad but true. Since you had this extra month I think a lot more people would have tried to do stuff with you if you came out. People are selfish and lazy. They have too much going on in their own lives to care about others. Mary got mad at me a couple weeks ago because I didn't plan anything or get her anything for our Anniversary. That's how bad I am. That is the constant battle we struggle with isn't it? Limited time, resources, money and how best to use them.
Man didn't mean to write so much but I have a lot of thoughts on this topic. Right now it is also a weird time for us at church. I think a lot of people are discouraged at not having a pastor and a lot of people are not showing up at church who normally do. And the few that come out, you can tell that their morale is low.
Let me just end with this. People will always let you down and they will never meet your expectations.
With that said, when are you leaving? You didn't respond to us hanging out this Sat. Let's hang out before you go.
People will not always let you down. I don't understand how saying that would make you feel better. In fact, Simon told me he asked you to get together for dinner for going away already. Did you respond to him either? He invited me also and of course, I said yes.
So maybe you were disappointed, because compared to PJ, your going away things were not as grand. That doesn't mean we don't care that you are leaving. But considering PJ is the pastor, and he's taking Suhee with him, are you surprised that was the main focus?
Moving really sucks. I wish I got to know you better this past year..
I think what Jin said about ppl letting us down is true tho. All my best friends are still in Illinois, and moving away to California really tore away a lot from my life. I had certain expectations from them but took some time to let go- and realized that the void I left by moving away was quickly filled and I'm gradually forgotten.. Things just move along. But now I too have a new life here and new friends.
But It's not to justify how little I did as a friend who've known for a while already that you're moving away.. Hope your last days in the Bay will be really memorable- and let's get together sometime! (doesn't your family live here btw?)
I did repsond to Simon.
And actually, prior to that I tried getting something organized. But no one really gave me a definite whatever so I thought to myself forget it.
I don't like to make comparisons on who is more important, but in my opinion just because someone goes up to the pulpit and gives the message, that doesn't make them anymore important. For instance, in my opinion John would be missed just as much as Pastor Joe if he were to leave. John brings something different to the table.
But really, that's not what this is about. It has nothing to do with comparisons.
In fact, I think one of the best times I've had was actually that day just hanging out at Jin's place. I really don't care for some party, but it's the hanging out with people that is more important. I'm all for doing boring things in small groups.
My point was that no one bothered.
Once again, I just want to say just take this as friendly advice. How will the next person in my situation feel?
I don't understand why you're saying no one bothered. Simon and Jin both asked you to get together. And a few weeks ago, we were all at Jin's house for you. Simon's organizing a dinner for you soon, so I hope that you'll change your mind and see that we do care after that.
I'm not there, so i can't really speak to what's going on. But as pessimistic as I am sometimes, i don't think people always disappoint you. I think sometimes our expectations are too high and we don't allow people to be human. If someone is always on time, but is late once or twice, do we fault them on the spot for being late? why not give them the credit that is due in all the other times that they are prompt. Just because it sounds good to say something overwhelmingly cynical doesn't mean it's right.
I don't want to sound like a jerk, but there is a reason I tried to organize something when I did. I really don't have a lot of time.
And actually, Simon is one guy that I felt cared. He expressed a genuine interest in just grabbing dinner or something before I leave. Jin, Simon, Will, and Eunice.
I hope no one gets defensive about this, but I'm just stating my opinion. You are welcome to disagree with me.
But you can't disagree with me, I don't like it.
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