Dishwasher.

Sometimes I think... wish... I could chose to be a dishwasher and be happy.

Work In Project.

I still need to be better. I'm confident I can do this.

Unique Situation.

Related to some precious posts, I feel like I'm in this awkward situation at work. I'm a direct supervisor to the front line of people. However at the same time I'm expected to put the company larger picture items as priorities also.

So what do I do when confronted with the definite, and I believe it is overdue, need to increase compensation?

House Of Cards.

Sometimes I feel like I'm building a house of cards.

Need some superglue ASAP.

Only Blog When You're Drunk.

So I tend to blog when I'm drunk or at least have had a few.

So tonight this bomb totally got dropped in my lap that I don't know how to deal with. Before I can explain, I have to explain a little about my work, more than I usually do.

Officially I lie somewhere between a director or VP position. Honestly I'm more like between a manager or director position in my opinion. Bit pretty much the most important thing to understand is that there is no one between me and a CEO level unless you include finance.

The severity of the situation didn't really hit me until tonight. Maybe I was being naive or just not thinking about it, but at the end of the day I am responsible for the frakkin' business. While a CEO is ultimately responsible, that is normally passed down and in this case I'm next in line.

I actually enjoy pressure a lot and trove on it, but has historically been when only my arse is in the line. I today realized I'm accountable for not just all the people that work for me, but all the people who rely on the future financial feasibility of the company.

How can I be accountable for that?

But being me, the real question is what should my next course of action be? What can I do or how should I proceed given this payload now on my lap?

Can't I just be a kid again?

Train.

So I've been commuting on the BART and have thus been trying to make more use of this daily almost 1.5 hour time sink. I have to find other things besides checkin Facebook.

I was going at it on email a lot, mostly work. That actually works out very well. I feel super productive.

Unfortunately today I managed to clear out most email which can be handled via phone. So I went in search of. Blogging app. What do you know? There's an app for that!

On the last train home since Moon is not in town for the next few days.

Musings I Guess.

So I don't know who still reads this, but I guess this is kind of a rather personal entry. Recently I've had some issues in home life. Without getting into a whole lot of detail, it's led me to do some research and think about some things. I'm just writing a few of them down along with some reflection notes so I don't forget.

"In the heart and mind of God, the happiness of the wife is a foundational priority of the marriage."

This seems like some obvious sentiment that everyone should know, but I think it's often lost (especially for me) in a lot of gibberish which husbands think is happiness. And maybe this isn't true to every case, but happiness isn't cornerstoned by financial security. While I have no doubt financial security will aid in happiness, I imagine there are a lot more people who would call themselves miserable if their emotional needs weren't being met compared to financial needs.

What's personal to me about this situation is I always justify my working late because I have to work to hard to support us financially. I think that's a lie. I don't know that I've come to grips with it at a conversational level, but I think it is my subconscious ego/drive which dictates this. Every other excuse I'm giving it just trying to cover this up.

The other thing is it's not just the physical/actual time spent working, but I will also end up working at home. All this adds up to emotional/mental resources which are allocated to something else.

To be honest, even now I'm tempted to lead this into a diatribe about how I need to improve the situation at work first so it frees up enough time. But that is wrong! The foundational priority should come first, everything else should revolve around that.