Restless Winding Roads Ahead.

Today I felt restless. Even after not quite endless badgering for the good part of a day, Moon declined an invitation to do something which may or may not have turned out fun to stay at home. Oddly enough, I respect her more for sticking with her initial decision. For some reason it reminds me of something I would have done earlier on in my life. At a time when I was more me.

In retrospect, I feel bad for badgering her about it. I was sick for most of last weekend and the early half of this week, so I had a lot of getting out of the house left in me. I needed a partner in crime. So, who did I pick as my partner in crime instead? Grommit.

Yes, Grommit. After a long hiatus of missing in action, I brought him back. When I read this again in a few years, I might think that I have a made up friend named Grommit. And in some sense, I do. He's my car.

I took a spirited drive up and down the 17 to Santa Cruz. Those signs that warn you about winding roads just make me smile.

I watched Millions just now. If ever there was a movie to make you feel bad about buying crap for yourself, this is it. Timing was good I suppose. Today I kept asking myself why my life felt so meaningless. This entire week has been a long think tank session. But today, it really hit me that something is seriously missing. I have a lot of theories about that one.

One of them, not my own, says it's because you can never fill that whole living for yourself. In the end, I know what the real solution is, but I'm not ready to accept it.

Sometimes I feel like a loon. Pardon the partially angry tone, but I'm listening to Muse and it's kind of angry sounding. Either way, I feel like I just think and think about random thoughts and theories about life and humanity. They are always fleeting once I get them out though. The problem is, if I don't get them out I feel like my system is toxic, like it's poisoned. It's drives me mad. That my friend, is why I always want to talk. I'm sorry, that is why I blog so much.