Yesterday was a month after my birthday. Tomorrow will be a month since it happened.
Now that we've had our own moment of hanging all of me on the end of my sleeve it's time to put up my walls. Or at least go back to talking in generalities again.
I have this old friend Grace. So in my newly found singleness I started talking to her again. We shared stories, and I found out her ex boyfriend really didn't like me. And I was so nice to him. But I digress.
So I got through telling her the story of my life and how I disappeared off the face of the planet. To sum it all up in one short sentence, I picked Katherine over all of my friends. I mean all of them. Not all at the same time, but it ended up that way.
If I had a time machine and I could travel back in time, would I do it again? The only answer I can come to is yes.
Why? Because I do not think you can say you love, or loved, someone until you are willing sacrifice everything for them. Whatever goals, ambitions, friends, possessions you have. To love someone is to set all those things aside in order for that one person to be happy.
Actually, in the last month or so I have sat outside Starbucks or random wine bars countless times just talking about love, happiness, relationships, and life. I'm tired of talking.
Part of me hates who I am right now. If only any of you knew. I wish I could love God more.
So much for my walls.
13 comments:
I think loving somebody means you pursue all your dreams, goals, ambitions and bring the other along for the ride. If two people were in love and wanted to sacrifice everything they had to make the other happy, they'd both be feeling pretty stupid sitting there with nothing at all.
Don't give everything up for somebody else. That's too one-sided. Be who you want to be and if they don't like that then screw 'em.
i agree...love means sacrifice, and sometimes when we love so much we are willing to sacrifice too much. Seeing as how i'm not one of the people who really knew you pre-Katherine era, i don't know personally how you cut people off, but know that you're not the first to have done that to be with someone you love. Had you two not split up, i would say it's not a big deal....friends are nice, but when it all boils down friends aren't forever; and as much as people want to argue the contrary, there will always be a difference between friendship and marriage/serious relationship.
Who are you anonymous?
And in case you did not know, I leave a lot of stuff out of my blog. Loving someone means loving them and caring about them more than yourself. So that means you will set aside any selfish ambitions if it will make the other person happy. It doesn't mean you will end up giving everything up.
But I don't agree with your attitude of being who you want to be and not caring if they don't like it. That is the problem with society today. People are so entrenched in their concept of me, me, me.
I mean, if you love someone, which is the context that we are talking about here, how can you just say screw them?
i agree with daniel. this world IS too much focused on the self. why don't we honor humility and sacrifice more? nowadays it's all about love yourself and do what's right for you? what about doing what's right for the people you love? anyway, i digress.
Daniel. God sees all and knows all. He knows how you feel. Remember, he was betrayed and left abandoned by those he loved and charished. (not that you are in the exact same situation) but you get what i'm saying... Jesus understands and knows even if no one else knows you. And the amazing part is that he still loves you despite knowing you fully. ok. i'm sounding a little too preachy.. but seriously, in my life, i've been amazed many times how much God loves me, despite me being a sinner.
Now is not the time to put up metaphorical walls, rather it’s a time to let people in. I truly hope that you can channel some of your new found realizations/feelings/passions into something positive. Also know that there are a lot of people who really genuinely care for you. Come over any time, even if it’s just to sit there and do nothing, which is what we usually do anyways. =)
i agree.. walls down. We should get access to Daniel unplugged...like you're Jay-Z or some rap star...
You guys are trying too hard to be nice and diplomatic. It's ok to be pissed off. You didn't deserve any of this crap.
Who are you?
too many anons... at least i write in a somewhat distinct style.
i read this book, which basically drilled this point into the ground: "life is not so much about the destination, but more about the journey." It's good to see that you view it as an enriching experience rather than with regret.
walls are good... and bad. Good place to try and formulate your thoughts in a nice protected sandbox without outside stuff destroying the creative self-reflection process.
i disagree. the destination is just as important as the journey.
yeah i'm with mary on this one....the destination is just as significant. If you're headed towards the wrong one because you're so obsessed with just enjoying the journey and not paying attention to where you're headed then you'll get your ass kicked for all of eternity in the end.
Yeah, I think the destination is equally as important as the journey. At least in the important ones. But then you could just look at all the smalls ones as part of the big one. My previous problem was focusing too much on the destination though.
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