I opted to stay home tonight. I didn't feel like watching a movie I already saw, and I didn't feel like trying to get something going. Sometimes I wish the world didn't have time zones.
Normally I do not hang my emotions on my sleeve, but since I got my dry cleaning done today I will give it a go.
So I came to this saddening epiphany. It's depressing to think that someone who you comforted, loved, and took care of could find those things in another's arms. So, I will stop beating about the bush on this one. I am obviously talking about my situation here. I'm not going to pretend I'm talking in generalities here.
It's hard to think someone else can make her smile in the way only you could before.
Maybe I feel this melancholic because I feel dumped. So yes, the official story is we broke up. But I'm going on record saying that I did not want that. I wanted her to be happy, and as a byproduct this was the right thing to do.
A friend asked about my recent appetite. He said whenever he got dumped, his appetite would suck. When he was the one dumping, it was fine if not better. Somehow, I feel like that situation expresses so much of what I want to scream about right now. It's always harder for the person left behind.
Everyone comments about how I'm dealing with this so well. How would you define well though? I go on with life because I know it has to go on. Here comes the second part to the thesis of this post.
It's inspiring to think I will find myself in love with someone else one day.
I kind of hate to put this out here, but I feel like I will go crazy if I don't. Am I over her? A coworker asked me if right now I would take her back. For the first time there was no hesitation in my answer. With a clear and calm resolution, I said no.
Even so, I think this pain will not be gone for a while. It will linger.
7 comments:
"It's inspiring to think I will find myself in love with someone else one day."
Yup. There's nothing better than falling in love all over again. Love you. :) Take care. See you in a few months. Or come to Paris with the 'rents. :) :))
there's not much that can be said that wouldn't sound tired and lackluster in light of the pain that you're already enduring...so i'll just say to keep up your spirits and maintain the most optimistic outlook you can...the rest will take care of itself..
the fact that you are going on with life because it has to go on itself is a sign that you're dealing with all this well... threatening to do harm to oneself, to others, etc.. not going to work, drinking all day and smoking all day.. these things would constitute one NOT dealing well.
=)
i'm glad you can think of yourself with another person.. that's a good sign! =)
I didn't like her much anyway.
i know i haven't been the nicest person but if you're going to say stuff like that at least have the balls to put your name on the comment... things may not have worked out how everyone wanted but that doesn't mean we gotta be bitter.
What happened between them bears no weight on my opinion of her. It just gives me an opportunity to express what I've felt all along but supressed out of courtesy.
Yes, if you are going to make comments like that then at least don't do it under some anonymous veil.
Post a Comment