Pointless.

I realized I have readers, but no comments. Perhaps people are apathetic that they do not want to comment? Not sure. Sympathy breeds apathy? I don't know if that's true, but I just like the sound of that. I've been really itching to write again. I started writing this short story a while ago, but I don't think I will ever finish it. I'm not in the right point in my life to finish it, and to be honest I don't think I ever will be. We will have to see. I should perhaps write about something else.

Yesterday I went to Half Moon Bay. It was so nice to see the waves and the ocean. I miss staring out and see the waves build and crash. Overcast days are more fun at the beach than sunny days I think. The water was quit chilly on the feet though. I feel that the weekends are getting better and better. They are building up. So when will it crash?

So I have a feeling only depressive emotional type entries get comments. So I have to go on record this is not a depressive entry. I'm going to come out right now and say it, life is in file. Life is full of ups and downs, and I would not have it any other way. I am in no way depressed about what I'm going to say. They are merely observations I've come across.

So I have this friend Steve. In our most recent conversation he said something that really struck me as profound. We were talking about getting over a relationship and what not. I made a comment about how I do not want to waste anymore of my life, anymore of my time trying to get over a girl. His response was honesty and earnestness at its best. It's not about getting over someone, it's about rediscovering who you are.

After a five year relationship I think I lost a lot of who I was. I mean, it's inevitable. You compromise on things, give up on things, things that do not matter. Yet, even though they don't matter they are a part of who you are. So in a sense, I lost who I was.

Before I go any further, don't get me wrong. It's not like it's the other person's fault. Both parties have a role to play in it. Moreover, I have no regrets about it.

The problem is that you replace those things that were part of you with something else. For example, I had goals, but I gave a lot of them up for a different goal of building a life together with that one person who mattered at the time.

So for a while, I was an empty body wandering aimlessly, no longer having a purpose almost. That's really how I felt, and I will be brutally honest that it is one of the shittiest feelings ever. Even now, sometimes I wonder what is the point of my life. What do I want to live my life for? I am not someone that can go one living out my life, satisfying whatever desires I have at the moment. I realize I need to care about someone else more than myself.

But you can't do that without having that someone else. So I guess I'm stuck in an interesting situation.