Everything is illuminated in the light of the past. Interesting sentence, obviously buried with meaning. I'll let you think about that one. And yes, I just happen to finish watching that movie.
It made me think about how life is a journey. It's about the experiences that happen along the way, not all about the destination. I know it's not the beginning of a new year or something, but I feel like making that resolution. I don't think I focus enough on the adventures in life and the experiences that happen along the way. So, maybe not a resolution. But just to keep that in mind.
Maybe part of it is also my sister leaving for Paris. I know she's been planning for it a while now, but it really seems like she just up and left. Starting a new part of her life in a completely different setting. While, I'm not out to pick up and settle somewhere else for a while, I think I miss that experience. Taking a chance and putting your foot out there. I think the only situation I can liken it to was going to college. I left, or at least tried to leave everything behind.
Yet I find nothing wrong with not leaving my station in life. I am happy. Things are going well, and I love where I see things going. There is no need for me to leave. Have I grown old and boring? Did I ever imagine I would settle down with life in some place so suburban as silicon valley? Perhaps I am getting old.
I came to this realization that things do not seem to inspire me as much these days. I blamed in on growing old and the cynicism that comes with that. Everyday goes by, and then another day goes by before you know it. Maybe another reason why I love fall so much, things don't seem the same day in and day out. I have this memory of me sitting in my room, on some cold winter afternoon, after school. I'm sitting there, listening to music. I don't remember what I was listening to, or what I was doing for that matter. I just remember sitting there alone, and it was such an awesome moment. I just remember everything feeling so crisp. Like a realization type moment, and it was nice.
Maybe it's the ho hum of working life, but something along the way has taken from the pure excitement and sensation of simply living. Maybe this is why grown up men feel the need to pursue adrenaline rushes. To find, to get back that simple kernel of what it means to be alive.
So as I was saying, I believe age has dulled me, and I don't like it one bit. I will fight this, and maybe I will fail, but I want to take back the simple enjoyment of breathing and what it means.
2 comments:
what movies was that from?
It's so true..working basically relegates us to weekend animals, becuase M-F who has the energy to go out and do stuff. Have you thought about working out? Like at first, it takes a while to get started, but it really gets your blood pumping, and it's quite addictive. Not that i'm some enourmously body-builder now, but i finally understand its appeal beyond self-inflicted pain.
you know, you could always up and move to AZ....i think we are eventually destined to live closer together, so this would be a great opportunity! carpe diem. In the meantime, I'll try to negotiate a cooler summer so that katherine will survive the heat.
i like ming's comment
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