Where Has All The Time Gone?

It's 1:30 in the morning. It's been so long since I've seen this hour, with no real purpose. I was just cleaning out some of my wardrobe.

But it's weird. You know those random thoughts you get in your head. Especially in the random hours of the morning. I always remember watching Blade, where the main bad guy is sitting in front of a computer listening to music on his headphones. That's the way I always pictured myself when I am alone in front of the computer at late hours.

I was sitting here, staring at the wall, and then this sudden flood of thoughts forced itself into my head. I am always amazed at where life takes you. It never ever fails to amaze me how things turn out. Everyone pictures their life unfolding a certain way. And even though I envisioned certain events happening in my life, I don't think I grasp what it means for those events to occur.

So every now and then I'm awaken, not abruptly but in a very soothing and gentle way, to what change actually means in the little context of my life. I really enjoy seeing how things change. Progress is so calming for me. I feel unsettled is nothing changes. How odd of me. I think that is why I reminisce.

I know Katherine used to get so upset when I talked about things in the past, and I completely understand. However, for me I need to remember the past in order to realize that I've gone somewhere. I think it's how I stay in touch with reality and how it progresses.

Maybe this is why I like evaluations. I need history to give me a gauge of how I'm doing.