Why Do I Bother.

I always wondered why I think certain ways about things in life. Am I a deep person? I don't like to think so. But it does seem like I like to have my mind roam the streets along the border of imaginary land and plausible reality. What gives?

This weekend I went to my first funeral. I had gone to a memorial service before, but never to the actual cemetary. So there I was. It was surreal. Even though I wasn't related to the deceased, I could still feel the somber enviornment of the entire event drape over my conciousness.

No matter how hard you wish for it, things can never remain the same.

I've been slowly rejected for every job I have remotely held interest for. A few months ago I was there hoping the certainty of being in school, the purposefulness of it would not change. Time passed me by and I was left with the taste of bitter nothing in my mouth. No job, no purpose.

Now I have somewhat of a job lined up and I find myself wanting time to stop again. This is not the job I want. I long for the feeling of hope. Hope for a chance to do what I want to do with my life.

Time is not my friend.

This is not to say I don't look forward to the future. I know in the end I will be where I want to be, it's just that the road seems to long and daunting right now.